i dont know since when i've started to be able to rely and keep more things to myself. i used to tell twin so much detail and stuffs that affect me. well that was years ago. but twin is still someone whom i can rely on, cos we're still the same despite not meeting very frequently. and i hope this relationship will last. this stupid blogskin doesnt allow me to leave lines and it publishes my post as one whole chunk of words ._. ok whatever. anyways i dont know proudly miraculously how i managed to survive this one whole week. but i can be sure the clique in sch helped much. without them, i dont think i can survive the day. the laughters sorta give me comfort during the day. at least im not alone. i guess when u dont have a choice there's nth much you can do. perhaps when the pain has imprinted itself as a scar, it wont hurt as frequent as a fresh wound. it's just occassional and less intense discomfort. is this called numb? i received your call today. but.. i dunno why i dont feel happy at all. in fact i feel a little worst. perhaps i really shldnt have expected anything. perhaps i shld've prepared myself for the worst. i think i deserve this disappointment. i have this awful feeling in me. i know this analogy sucks but it's the same as you dont shit when you are suppose to and you get constipation. i held my tears back so hard that it cant efficiently release itself when it's supposed to. i dont like it. i prefer the feeling of crying hard. it makes you sad, more sad and it reminds you of how painful it is, and makes it worst. the most impt point is, it wakes me up to reality.